Broken Wings
by SophieSaulie
Summary: After almost two years into the war without Dean, Sam and Bobby discover a surprise at their door.
1. Chapter 1

Broken Wings

**Broken Wings**

**CHAPTER 1:**

Sam couldn't believe his eyes when he had seen him.

He hadn't seen him for over a year, had given up any hope of ever seeing him again and guiltily, he had let himself get involved with fighting the war so he could forget the last time he had seen him; bloodied, screaming in agony, his face contorted in unimaginable pain, then still with eyes wide open, but unseeing. Sam had to squeeze his eyes shut to keep the images from flooding in again.

He and Bobby had never found a way to get Dean out of Hell, short of opening the Devil's Gate again with the Colt, which they knew Dean never would have wanted so though they kept trying to find a way to save him, the attempts became more futile and less frequent. It gave Sam a hopelessness that he had never truly overcome. Deep down in his own soul, he knew he had failed his brother.

So to suddenly see Dean show up at Bobby's door, looking awful, like someone who had emerged from Hell and had walked miles and miles without food or water to get to them, took his breath away. He was wearing the same shredded and bloody t-shirt and jeans he had on when he had died. Wounds were everywhere and he was covered in his own blood just like he had been after the hellhound had ripped into him. What frightened Sam the most was the vacuous emptiness in Dean's eyes. A look of being beyond tired, beyond dying, beyond hope. Dean only said one word before collapsing.

"Sam?"

He and Bobby managed to catch him before he hit the floor and Sam single-handedly scooped his limp body into his arms. He took him into one of the bedrooms and laid him out carefully. Dean looked dead laying there and it brought a shiver from a bad memory. Sam was afraid that maybe he really was one of the living-dead, but Dean had felt warm in his arms, his breathing too real and steady, and his heart beating too strongly for a zombie.

After laying him down, Sam looked over at Bobby, whose face had a look of surprise to match his own.

"Did you do something?" Sam asked, knowing the answer, but needing something to say in the shocked silence.

"No," Bobby answered with a hushed disbelief.

"Then how?"

"Damned if I know."

"Could he have clawed out somehow?"

"I wouldn't be surprised," Bobby said in sarcastic amazement at the sight before him.

Bobby and Sam then allowed momentary shaky smiles to cross their faces. Dean's memory was still strong and prevalent even after almost two years and they both could still imagine Dean clawing out of Hell with fierce determination. Trouble was Dean looked anything but fierce and determined, as he lay unconscious in front of them.

"I'll stay with him," Sam said.

Bobby nodded, not surprised.

A few hours passed and Sam had fallen asleep himself. He felt a hand touch his head and awoke slowly, feeling more comfort than fear from the touch. He had been so afraid that seeing Dean had been a dream and he grasped onto the hope that the touch was real.

He raised his head up and looked at Dean. Dean's eyes were rimmed with dark circles, his face sallow and almost ghostly, yet with all that, Sam saw the dim light of recognition in his brother's eyes and couldn't help, but feel joy, however small, at knowing that Dean hadn't forgotten him.

"Dean?"

Dean placed his fingers on Sam's face, almost as if like a blind man trying to retrace features in order to memorize them, but Sam knew that Dean was just making sure he was really there, that Sam wasn't a dream either so he let him touch him.

"Sammy?" Dean croaked.

Dean looked into Sam's eyes and his own filled immediately with tears. His cries were a mix of relief, joy and pain. Sam had never seen or heard Dean sob. Dean had shed a tear, many of them, but he had never broken down into uncontrollable sobbing, not even when in agony at the claws of the hellhound.

"Is that…really…you?" Dean asked.

"Yeh, Dean, it's really me. You're back. I don't know how and I don't care. You're back," Sam said, his own voice betraying overwhelming relief and joy at having his brother back, his own sobs joining his brother's.

Dean continued to sob, seemingly unable to stop. He had been so good at putting up walls, defending himself against emotions, but it was as if Hell had stripped him of the ability. He couldn't stop the tears. They just kept coming and coming. He was completely at the mercy of them.

Sam, at first, didn't know what to do. It had always been Dean who had comforted and reassured, but now, here was Dean utterly stripped bare with pain and tears and Sam hesitated, not knowing what to do. Slowly and gently he followed his own need to hold his brother, to put his arms around him to confirm that he was flesh and bone and not dust and illusion. He held him softly at first, afraid that Dean would recoil or jump back away from him. He then tightened his arms around him so that Dean could feel them enveloping him.

Dean had been limp in his arms initially, but when Sam's hold tightened around him, he hugged him back. He then grabbed at Sam's shirt as if it were a lifeline and continued to sob.

Sam just held him there, rocked him as he had remembered Dean doing so many times when they were kids. The moment was wordless. There was no need for them. Questions could be asked and answered later. For now, they both needed to believe that they weren't in some cruel dream that would rip them apart again at any second.

**oooo**

Dean finally, weak and weary, fell asleep in Sam's arms and Sam laid him back on the bed.

He sat back into his chair, chewing on his finger. Bobby quietly entered the room.

"How's he doing?"

"I don't know, Bobby. Whatever he went through in Hell or to get back to us, it's wrecked him. He was crying. I've never seen him like that," Sam said, worry and concern on his face.

"We'll never know or be able to understand what Dean went through. All we can do is be there for him and hope he comes back to us."

"What? What do you mean 'comes back to us'? He's already here," Sam said, sounding terrified that Dean could be less than the man he had known all his life. "He knew me. He's still Dean. He's just tired, that's all."

"Sam, you have to be ready to face that Dean…well, that he probably won't be the same Dean you knew. Hell changes a person," Bobby said.

"No, no, not Dean," Sam insisted.

"Even Dean, Sam. I want him back the way he was just as much as you do, but no one can go through what he has and not come out of it changed."

"Like you said, we don't know what he went through, but Dean is the strongest person I've ever known. He just needs rest. Lots and lots of rest."

"Sam…"

Sam looked at Bobby and his intellect was telling him to believe Bobby, but his heart couldn't take any more beatings. It needed to believe. It needed to hope.

Bobby watched Sam crumbling under the weight of his emotions and knew pushing wouldn't help, not now, so he let it go.

They had to live moment to moment for now until they knew all the facts and only Dean could give them the answers, if he could give them at all.

**oooo**

Dean woke up and tried to remember where he was. It didn't take long and relief hit him when he saw Sam snoozing away in his chair. He hadn't dreamt it all after all. He had gotten out somehow and had found his way back to Sammy, to Bobby's house, all the while hoping that it was still where he had remembered. How he had gotten there was a blur for now.

He slowly slipped out of the bed, hoping not to wake Sam. He had to take a leak and marveled at how glad he felt to do something so elemental. Moving was excruciating and a quick survey of his body showed that he still had the wounds from when the hellhound had ripped him to shreds. He couldn't figure out how he could have made it there being as injured as he was, but amazingly, despite the pain, he seemed in one piece for the most part. He knew he'd have to address his wounds and for reasons he didn't know, he understood what it would take to heal them. For now, he had to get to the bathroom. Once he was done, he staggered slowly out to the living room of Bobby's place and found him pouring over books.

Bobby looked up and saw Dean standing unsteadily in front of him.

"What are you doing up? You can barely stand," Bobby scolded lightly and Dean felt reassured by the familiar sound of Bobby's voice.

Bobby walked over and helped Dean onto a comfortable couch. Though he could see blood everywhere on Dean's torso, he couldn't see how bad off he was. He'd have to ask him about his injuries later. What Dean looked like he needed right then was just to sit down.

"Good to see you, Bobby," Dean said with a trembling smile.

He looked into Bobby's eyes and again, his emotions caught him unguarded, his eyes welled.

"Thanks for watching out for Sammy," Dean said, his voice a tremor.

Bobby was thrown for a loop. He hadn't been expecting such a raw admission and could only nod.

"How long have I been gone?"

Bobby gulped his own emotion down before he answered him.

"Almost two years," he finally said.

"Huh…seems longer somehow," Dean said absently.

"Dean, I have to ask, how did you –"

"Claw out of Hell?" Dean said, but without his characteristic humor.

Bobby just nodded again.

"To be honest, I don't remember. One minute I was…" Dean started then stopped to spare Bobby the gruesome details. "Then the next I was out in a field and somehow…somehow I knew where I was and that I wasn't far from your place. Don't ask me how I knew…I just did so I just started walking and ended up here. A lot of it is a blur."

Bobby fell silent, unable to voice his next questions.

"You're wondering how I am or what I am," Dean said.

"Well, yeh, but how did you –"

"I don't know. I just knew what you were going to ask me…felt it really."

Bobby just gave him a skeptical look and Dean sensed his apprehension.

"Bobby, I won't blame you if you think that maybe I've gone darkside…I can't tell you I haven't…I don't even remember how I ended up here so if you want me to leave –"

"Now why would I want you to do that? I meant what I said. Family don't end with blood. We'll suss this out together."

Dean breathed a sigh of relief at Bobby's reassurance.

"How are you, Dean? Really, be truthful with me."

"Tired…so weak…in pain…scared…" Dean said, his voice cracking, evading a bit.

Dean shivered then grimaced. Bobby reached over for a blanket on the couch and wrapped it around Dean.

"Better?"

"Yeh, thanks…Funny, I should feel so cold after…" Dean trailed off.

"So, you remember anything from Hell?"

"Some things…not anything good."

"Is there anything good to remember about Hell?" Bobby teasingly asked.

"No, I suppose not," Dean said, but without a smile.

Bobby was worried. Dean just looked empty, drained of life.

"I'm not myself, I know it, problem is, I don't know what I am," Dean said, a touch of resignation in his voice. "I don't want to become a monster. I don't want to hurt you or Sam…"

Bobby saw the vulnerable uncertainty in Dean's eyes. He knew that Dean had been scared before, life as a hunter is full of fear, but what he saw now was a growing terror in Dean's eyes.

"You won't hurt us, Dean. I know that in my gut. Like I said, we'll suss it out. I'm just glad you're back," Bobby admitted.

"I hope you still will be," Dean said, not ominously, just sadly and Bobby's heart broke at Dean's statement.

Dean wasn't his usual sarcastic self. He was saying the words, but they came out more tired and resigned than biting and humorous. Bobby hoped that it was just a part of a temporary readjustment back to the Earthly world, but deep down, he knew that Dean had been scarred, that he hadn't been spared Hell's tortures and would inevitably suffer some kind of after effect from the experience.

One thing Bobby did know for sure though was that Dean was still the hero who had left them almost two years ago. Giving Bobby the option to cast him out without recrimination had showed him that Dean was still the principled young man he had always known. Hell hadn't beaten that out of him. He wasn't evil, just changed. Changed in a way that Bobby couldn't be sure would be for the better for Dean, but he **was** sure that Dean was still the man who would do anything to save someone. He was still the brother who would make the same deal to save Sam all over again even knowing all he did about Hell. Bobby just didn't think that Dean had the passion for life he once had. He had seen a darkness that no good person should ever have to see and it had left its mark on him.

"Nonsense, of course, we'll still be glad you're back," Bobby said then paused. "Sam and I, we barely survived after well…you know. When all the demons left their human hosts, I rushed back into the house, but I was too late…I saw you and I…"

As hardened a hunter as Bobby was, he would never be able to erase the image of Dean torn up and covered in blood on the floor of that house.

"I'd have given anything to keep Sam from watching me get shredded by the hellhound. I heard him screaming at Lillith to stop, but I knew…I knew it wouldn't stop until it was finished with me," Dean said solemnly as he twitched with pain, closed his eyes then moaned.

"You all right there?" Bobby asked, worried. "How hurt are you?"

"Yeh…" Dean said, his voice trailing off for a moment. "You know, you get used to it, the pain…you don't think you ever will and you hear yourself begging to make it stop, but once you realize that it's never going to, that the pain is your existence, it becomes a part of you."

Dean almost seemed like he had faded away for a moment, but then took in a breath.

"Dean, you don't have to –"

"I know, but funny thing, it helps to talk about it. All the time I was there, I thought about Sam…kept reminding myself that it had all been worth it because Sam was okay, that he was alive."

"Was it really worth it, Dean? Even after everything?" Bobby asked, unable to believe that Dean could think it had been.

Dean turned and with an eerie acceptance on his face, he said, "Yeh, Bobby it was."

The answer startled him and Dean sensed it.

"I know you think I'm crazy and maybe I am, but even going through what I did in Hell, it was still worth it. Seeing Sammy at the door, alive, I…I can't even begin to tell you how I felt...it was worth it, Bobby," Dean said, his voice breaking and on the verge of sobbing again.

Bobby watched Dean, looking haggard, like his soul had been cut out of him, aging him beyond his real years and heard the words of a man who still loved his brother, if not life anymore. There was a definitive haunted quality in Dean's voice, but there was also a tired conviction that still resonated in him. The fire that was Dean's will had been dimmed, but even with everything Hell and its occupants had thrown at him, it hadn't been extinguished. Dean's goodness had amazingly survived, if not scarred. If Bobby hadn't seen it, felt it actually, he would have never have believed such survival was possible. What worried him though was how much more Dean would have to endure being back with them. He already knew Dean had come back with some abilities, but whether they would turn on him, Bobby didn't know. Also, Dean had been gutted in every way in Hell. Would he ever be the same again? Or would he just sleep walk through life until it was finally over.

Bobby watched as Dean nodded off to sleep on the couch. Sam rushed in, panicked at finding Dean gone, but Bobby shushed him so that he wouldn't wake Dean.

"Is he okay?" Sam asked.

"He's as okay as he can be for now."

"What? Did he tell you something?"

Bobby looked over at Sam and smiled, his eyes welling.

"What's wrong, Bobby?"

"Nothing, Sam, it's just that I'm so glad to have him back. Guess it's finally hitting me."

Sam understood and nodded.

"Did he say anything to you about, you know, Hell?" Sam asked.

"Nothing specific, but I can tell you it was bad. He's just not telling us how bad it really was for him to spare us."

Sam sat in another chair and watched Dean sleep fitfully on the couch.

"It's all my fault. He should never have had to go there."

"Sam, no, don't go falling into that trap of blaming yourself. I asked Dean point blank if knowing what he does now about Hell if he thought it had been worth it and damn it if he didn't throw me for a loop when he said that it had been, that finding you at the door, alive, when he had come back confirmed for him that he would do it all over again. So, you see, Dean doesn't believe he made a mistake."

"But look at what he's given up to do it."

"Sam, we can't go on talking about what ifs any more. It isn't fair to him. He's been through too much. It's been almost two years. I can't imagine what tortures he was subjected to, but it's done. Dean wants to move on, but I gotta be honest with you, it's not going to be easy for him. He told me that when you're subjected to enough pain, you begin to accept it. You begin to think that it's just a part of existing. We have to help him get through that and help him adjust to being back. The rest is up to Dean."

Sam nodded in understanding, "You're right, Bobby."

Suddenly, their conversation was interrupted by Dean's moans and gasps for air. He was having a nightmare.

**oooo**

_Dean watched as Meg approached him. He was pinned by hooks to chains and stretched to his body's limits. The more he strained against them, the more they pulled at him. His pain intensified as she approached him. A wave from her evil essence hit him and enflamed his nerves, muscles, and skin. It made him arch back from it like it was a sonic wave. He groaned._

"_So, finally, we meet on my turf. I couldn't wait for this day."_

"_Yeh, I bet."_

_The closer she got, the more intense the pain got. She circled him and when she grazed her finger across his cheek, it was like a hot poker burning a brand into his skin. Dean fisted his chains and closed his eyes._

"_Like that do you? There's more where that came from. Much more."_

"_Yeh, well, all we got is time so make the most of it, bitch."_

"_Oh, I plan to. When I heard that you had made that deal, I couldn't believe it. I thought, he couldn't POSSIBLY be THAT stupid, but once again, you keep surprising me on how much you keep giving it up for that ungrateful family of yours."_

_Dean wanted to block her out, but he knew he couldn't. This was Hell, his Hell. She was one of his "victories", one of the many demons he doesn't regret sending to Hell. Knowing his track record and smiling inwardly over his successes, he knew that there would a long line waiting to get their shot at him. It didn't surprise him that Meg would be the first._

"_You know, you got some serious issues there. When are you ever going to get over that, huh? You just keep on beating that dead horse," Dean taunted. "It just isn't healthy."_

_Meg then stroked his face and no matter how hard he struggled, he knew he couldn't get away. Her hand seared into his face and he smelled the burning flesh. It took everything in him to keep from screaming._

"_Tsk, tsk, tsk, Dean, you're going to rot here and for what? For little Sammy."_

"_Only I get to call him that," Dean spit out defiantly._

"_Dead should stay dead, you said it yourself. You think you did Sam a favor by bringing him back? You have no idea what you've done, do you? You gave us our ace in the hole to the war. With you gone, he doesn't stand a chance."_

"_Shut up! You can talk all you want, but I won't believe a word of it. Demons lie, YOU lie."_

"_Ruby was right about one thing, Sam's got a bomb inside of him. With the idea of you festering down here all because of him, all because of what you did to bring him back, it's only a matter of time before that fuse gets lit by just the right flame. Maybe it'll be Lillith, Sam really pissed her off big time."_

"_What? What are you talking about?"_

"_Oh, that's right, you were already rotting on the floor. Seems Lillith tried her flamethrower act on Sam so that she could be numero uno, but it didn't work. Sam neutralized her, but she got away so she's got another crack at him."_

_Dean was, at first, fearful, but hearing that Sam had defeated Lillith and had survived brought a proud smile to his face._

"_Don't be so happy, Dean. Just means Sam's got some untapped power there. Find the right key…"_

"_Sam won't let it happen."_

"_You sure about that? Ruby almost had him, but you got in her way. You're not there anymore to get in the way. Give Sam the right reason and he'll give in. Remember, he's still trying to save you, to get you out of here, if someone dangles the right offer –"_

"_He won't be a martyr like me."_

"_Oh, so you think that little speech of yours will keep him from tapping into his yet unrealized potential?"_

_Meg faced Dean and smiled._

"_What do you think, Father?"_

_Dean gasped at what had emerged behind Meg, the yellow-eyed demon or Azazel to his fellow demons._

"_I think that Sam is ours," Azazel smiled and laughed._

"_No, NO!!" Dean screamed._

**oooo**

Bobby and Sam watched as Dean's breathing became erratic and uneven as he struggled in his sleep. They then intervened, trying to wake him, but it was like Dean wasn't hearing them. Suddenly, Dean screamed and startled awake, his eyes wide open with terror.

For a moment, he was disoriented and didn't recognize where he was, all he felt was threatened and afraid. In that instant, he felt energy leave his body and thrust outward, hurling Bobby and Sam across the room and into the wall. As soon as he saw them both fall, he regained his senses and realized what he had done, even though he had no idea how he had done it. He tried to get up to help them, but the wounds from the hellhound were still raw and pain shot through him like a million knives cutting into him. He sat back breathless and agonized over what he had just done. All the fears that he had while heading towards Bobby's were coming back. What if he had been possessed? He would be a danger to Bobby and Sam, but he had no strength to run away to protect them.

Bobby and Sam got back onto their feet and ran over to Dean to help him. Dean looked over at Bobby and he pleaded with his eyes.

"Bobby, please, get the holy water," he gasped.

Sam tried to reach for Dean, but Dean stopped him.

"Stay back, Sam, not until we know I'm not possessed."

Sam just nodded. Bobby returned with a glass of holy water and gave it to Dean. Dean hesitated, afraid of knowing the answer, but knowing he had to find out. He took a large gulp and waited for the burning sensation, but it didn't come. The water felt normal, cooling as it flowed down his throat. There was no pain, no burning, and no smoke. He wasn't possessed. Relief washed over him as he handed the glass back to Bobby, thanking him with a look. He lay back onto the couch and Sam approached to sit next to him.

"Are you all right?" Sam asked, worried. "What happened?"

"Don't know," Dean said tiredly. "I was having a nightmare and when I woke up, I wasn't sure where I was. I was terrified. I felt this energy flow out of me then it pushed you both away. I'm sorry…I had no control over it."

"It's okay, Dean. We're okay," Sam reassured.

"I thought that maybe I'd been possessed, but the water didn't hurt me. I…I don't know what's happening to me and I'm afraid I'm putting you both in danger."

"We can handle ourselves, Dean," Bobby reassured in his own way.

Dean grimaced with pain, wrapping his arms around his mid-section. It was then that Sam had realized that they had been so shocked at seeing him back, they had forgotten to check Dean for wounds. He had come back all bloodied and wearing the same clothes he had died in.

"Dean, you're not possessed. I think you just need to get patched up and to get some rest," Sam said.

Sam reached for him.

"Let's head to the bathroom and –"

"No, no, I can do it," Dean said, trying to hide his injuries from Sam.

"Let us help you, Dean," Sam said as he opened Dean's shirt.

"No, it's not that…it's just…" Dean stammered as he continued to grimace with every move he made.

Before Dean could stop him, Sam saw what was beneath the shreds of cloth that was Dean's t-shirt. He took in an involuntary gasp at what he saw.

Through the ripped clothes and flesh he saw Dean's ribs and his internal organs. His muscle had been torn away from bone. Unable to stop himself, Sam turned away, feeling bile rising, but trying to keep from losing it.

Dean could only sigh as Bobby, too, took in the horrific damage with shock and disbelief.

"Dean, have you been like this all along? Why didn't you say something?" Bobby asked.

"I'm okay. I can handle it. I know what to do. Can you just fill a tub with holy water for me?" Dean asked softly.

Bobby shook his head in frustration then headed towards the bathroom.

Sam turned back around and looked as if he would faint.

"God, Dean," Sam said then snapped back to reality. "Bobby's right. Why didn't you tell us?"

"I'm sorry, Sam, I just didn't want you to see…"

Then realization hit Sam on why Dean had asked Bobby to fill a tub full of holy water.

"What are you going to do?"

"There's only one way to heal the wounds made by a hellhound. Holy water."

"Wait, you're not thinking –"

"It's the only way, Sam."

Bobby returned and nodded towards Dean.

"It's ready," Bobby said, his frustration replaced by concern because he had already known what Dean was intending to do.

"Thanks," Dean said. "I need you both to promise me that no matter what you hear, you won't come in."

"Dean -" Sam started.

"Sam, do it for me, okay? I'm not going to lie to you, it won't be easy for you to hear, but it'll be even worse for you to see and I just can't do that to you again. I was helpless to stop it before, but I won't back down on this."

"How long?" Bobby asked.

"I don't know. Long. It's not just about repair. Hellhounds, they're more than just rabid," Dean said, leaving the details out.

"But how will we know –" Sam said.

"I'll come out when it's done."

Sam looked into Dean's eyes and Dean sensed his terror.

"You'll know, Sam," Dean said without having to say that if it didn't work, Sam would know.

Dean walked towards the bathroom then without looking back he closed the door behind him and locked it.

Bobby saw the stark terror in Sam's eyes. Facing having to lose Dean all over again could just kill Sam this time. Bobby had to admit that he wasn't so sure he'd survive it a second time himself.

They then heard the screams. Bobby hadn't witnessed Dean's death at the claws of the hellhound, but he had seen the result and could only imagine the agonies Dean must have endured then. Looking at Sam's reaction to hearing Dean screaming again, he knew that it must have been like Sam was reliving that moment all over again. He saw Sam quaking, fisting his hands until they were white, his face pale, color drained from it, tears rolling down his cheeks. Amidst it all, Bobby could hear Sam whispering to himself.

"Not again, please, not again, not again…"

**oooo**

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	2. Chapter 2

Broken Wings

**Broken Wings**

**CHAPTER 2:**

Dean took off his clothes slowly. The fabric matted to his wounds by dried blood pulled and caused him to hiss. A few were painful enough that he had to brace himself against the sink to keep from passing out. Still, the endless pain he had suffered in Hell had been relentless, incomparable and unforgiving. He couldn't sleep, wasn't allowed to, eating and drinking were non-existent yet he felt every hunger pang that roiled his stomach and felt his tongue lick dry, chapped lips. He was even denied blissful unconsciousness when the pain became blinding and had reached his threshold of endurance.

Though he knew that what he was facing now, laying in a bath of holy water, would be a cakewalk compared to everything he had already gone through, he still found himself dreading the prospect. He was weak from trying to get to Sam and Bobby and he hadn't eaten in he didn't know how long so the idea of enduring more pain seemed completely unimaginable, but he knew that Sam and Bobby would need him as whole as he could make himself. All he had been able to determine so far was that he hadn't been possessed, but that didn't mean he wasn't some other kind of freakish demon/human hybrid. Ruby had said that Sam had a bomb inside of him so what did that make him? The human equivalent of a nuclear device? He smiled at the thought, but it quickly faded. His biting sarcasm seemed to have become a casualty in his return back. He didn't feel it in him anymore.

He had felt both Bobby's and Sam's disappointment that he wasn't acting like the Dean he had been before. Fact was he wasn't that Dean anymore. He knew it and felt it. **That** Dean was dead. He had his memories, his training, and gratefully his love for Sam, but beyond that, he felt empty, purposeless. He knew that he wanted to help them. He hoped with everything in him that whatever he had come back as, it would be something useful to them and the war.

He thought back to Azazel's taunt about Sam not being 100 Sam and had to laugh at it now. He didn't have to worry about Sam. He was the one to worry about now. That thought brought him back to his nightmare only he knew it hadn't been a nightmare. It had really happened. The threat had actually been made. At the time, he had resigned himself to being helpless to stop them, but then he suddenly found himself back on terra firma from the bowels of Hell and he didn't know how or who had brought him back.

He felt wasted, wrung out like a dirty rag that was meant for the trash. He couldn't imagine what good he could do for them or for the war, but his emerging abilities were hard to ignore and he had to hope that he could control them or even more importantly that they wouldn't be turned against Sam and Bobby. In the end, the one thing that was still evident was that he was a soldier in a war that needed winning, brought back from the dead to, hopefully, save humanity or in his mind, Sam and Bobby. His feelings for them were unchanged even if everything else had. They needed him and he wasn't going to let them down if he could help it.

He had finally taken off all of his clothes and faced the tub of holy water. He took in a deep breath and began to slowly immerse himself. He jerked, hissed and grunted, his breathing becoming quick and labored. The purifying water seared into his wounds, burning everything evil from within them. The water then got to the worst of his injuries, the ones on his torso and chest and the pain became blinding and white hot. The water seeped into his bones, his veins and arteries, his organs and every cell in his body rebelled in pain. No amount of will power or courage could keep the screams at bay. In a sick flashback, he had remembered every scrape and bite the hellhound had inflicted on him.

Once fully immersed, he gripped the sides of the tub with white knuckles and he couldn't keep back his cries. They echoed in the bathroom. There was no echo in Hell. He arched in the tub, spilling some of the water onto the floor. He clenched his eyes closed and twisted with the pain that radiated throughout his body. His screams then turned into sobs. Memories began to ebb and flow through his mind. He suddenly found himself missing his mom and dad so much. His love for his family and especially for Sam had never diminished, even in Hell. It was that love that had kept him going. Sometimes it even amazed him how much strength it gave him in the worst of times.

As the holy water bubbled, steam rose from the heat of the dissolving hellhound evil that had been carved into his wounds. He watched as his flesh and bone healed, as his wounds began to seal up miraculously without the need for sutures or bandages. The pain was slowly easing enough where Dean could stop screaming and just moan. He didn't think everything would be healed when all was said and done. His soul had been irrevocably touched and marred from being in Hell. There was no cure for that.

Dean had lost all track of time. There wasn't a clock in Bobby's bathroom, but he knew that whatever healing could be done, had been done. Exhaustion filled every pore of his body, but he slowly eased himself out of the tub, dried himself off with a nearby towel then put on the bathrobe that was hanging on the door hook. Bending down to empty it, he felt a wave of dizziness hit him. He closed his eyes then braced himself against the tub, adding insult to injury, a feeling of nausea gripped him and he dry heaved. Once his empty stomach had stopped convulsing, he took in some deep breaths to steady himself. He uttered an exhausted moan then released the water. It was red from his blood and he didn't want Bobby or Sam to see it. Once it had been drained, he rinsed what he could out then unlocked the bathroom door.

He walked unsteadily out and wasn't surprised to see Sam and Bobby waiting for him. He had to lean against the doorframe for a moment and both of them reached out to help him. He found it in him to smile at their devotion to him. He was lucky. He had the best on his side. With them there, he truly believed they could win the war.

"Dean? You okay?" Sam asked, first to guide him back to the couch.

"Yeh, yeh, it's done. I'm as good as I'm ever going to get for now. Did you keep any of my clothes?"

Sam bowed his head in embarrassment.

"I…I kept hoping –"

"Good thing. Nice to know you didn't give everything away to Goodwill or something," Dean tiredly joked. It wasn't exactly like what he used to say and though he didn't completely feel it, he knew he had to find a little of his humor to reassure Sam, Bobby and maybe himself too that there was still something left of the old Dean in him.

Sam smiled and Dean knew it had been worth it.

"I'll get the bag from the trunk."

Sam left with a renewed spring in his step. Dean looked over at Bobby.

"You don't have to pretend with me, son," Bobby said with an understanding that made Dean feel better. "No matter what happens, it's still good to have you back."

"Thanks."

Once Sam was back with the bag, they went into the bedroom and with Sam's help, Dean got dressed. Dean's lack of resistance to Sam's help was discouraging for Sam. Dean fighting back was Sam's way of knowing that he was still Dean, but now, he had to face what Bobby had said, that Dean may not be the same man he had been before. Still, in the end, it didn't matter to Sam. Dean was back and here with them and he had seen that deep down, where it had counted, Dean was still his hero, the man who would do anything to save anyone in danger, especially him and Bobby.

When Dean tried to stand again, he knew he had to accept that his body wasn't ready to take on all the evil in the world just yet and he sat back down again, bracing himself against Sam.

"Why don't you get some sleep, okay? As much as you need. I'll wake you when it's time to eat something."

"Okay, Sammy," Dean said without arguing or putting up a fight like always used to do as he lay back down on the bed, took in a few deep breaths and fell instantly asleep.

Sam left the room to give Dean some peace and Bobby was waiting with a beer in his hand. He handed it to him and Sam sat down into a nearby chair.

"You're right, Bobby. Dean's not the same."

"Sam, give him some time. He may never be the Dean he was before, but I know that the evil in Hell didn't destroy his goodness. In that way, he's still the Dean we know."

"I know. I'm just glad that he's back at all, but I'm afraid for Dean. I'm worried that he doesn't want to be here, that he doesn't want to keep on fighting anymore. I'm afraid that he's barely hanging on and only hanging on for me. I don't know how to give him the will to live."

"You already do, Sam. Just by being alive, you give him the strength he needs to keep going."

"But will that be enough, Bobby? And is it fair of me to keep him here?"

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I should tell him that it's okay if he wants to walk away from everything, from us?"

"You know that he won't do that, maybe even can't do it. He was brought back for a reason and he knows it. You've seen the powers he's been given. Maybe he's back to help us fight this war, to destroy Lillith. I don't know, but he knows that his being back isn't a coincidence and he won't walk away from that."

"It just seems unfair that he has to keep on giving. Hasn't he given enough?"

"I have to be glad that no matter what the reason, he's out of Hell and I hope for good. The rest we'll have to figure out."

Sam nodded.

**oooo**

_Dean struggled with his bonds to no avail, the hook in his shoulder shifted with every move, even with every breath he took. Exhaustion had a whole new meaning in Hell. His body and mind were begging for rest, but a stronger power prevented them peace._

_As he swung painfully, he heard a distant voice calling to him. It was distinctly feminine and at first, he wondered who would be calling his name in Hell. Then he went rigid with fear, what if Meg and yellow-eyes were returning? _

_When the voice got louder, he saw someone else chained as he was slowly appear in front of him. It was then that he had recognized her. His first reaction was anger, but seeing her suffering as he was, he couldn't hold it. She had been a victim too, maybe a not so innocent one, but just as seduced as he had been for reasons only she knew. She was crying._

"_Bela," Dean said._

"_Dean…" Bela said, taking in a painful breath._

_He saw that her hellhound had not spared her from its brutal attack. Blood covered her body as well, her wounds just as gaping and merciless as his were. He couldn't find it in him to hate her now._

"_What are you doing here?" Dean asked indifferently._

"_I don't exactly know…but I felt your presence and believe it or not, when I did, I suddenly needed to talk to you so I called out to you. I was then brought here. I wanted to have a chance to set something right before I…well, who knows."_

_Dean nodded, "You don't have to say anything."_

"_I know and if you don't want to listen, I'll understand…I haven't earned that right from you and I'm not doing this to help myself. Like you said, too late for that. I made my choice, but I guess I needed you to know why I made my deal. I didn't have the courage to tell you that night and rather have had you hate me than pity me."_

_Dean looked at her and for the first time he saw a sincerity that had never been there in life._

"_You don't have to believe me, I won't ask you to, but for whatever reason, I was brought here and I just needed you to know why I made my deal," Bela grimaced in pain and again, Dean could only feel sympathy for her. "You see, my parents…my father, he…he would come into my room and…"_

_Dean took in a shocked breath as he made the connection. She had been abused as a child._

"_You don't have to –"_

"_I know, but maybe I'll find some kind of peace from knowing you know. You see, no one knew…except Lillith, I suppose. I didn't tell anyone. I was always a bitch…didn't think anyone could care about someone like me after what my father had done to me so I figured why should I care what others thought of me…my mum, she just stood by and let it happen. She even took his side…"_

_Dean listened shock and horror written on his face over how any parent could treat a child like that. It made him appreciate his parents all the more. Sure, their life wasn't perfect, their father wasn't a saint, but he had never abused them. He had punished himself more, but even in his worst drunken bouts, he had never hurt them, not on purpose. He had loved them._

"_I'm sorry, Bela," Dean said, his voice filled with sincerity._

"_I'm not asking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve it," Bela said, her eyes filled with tears. "I just needed to tell you that and that I'm sorry for everything I've done and didn't do for you and Sam. Unlike you, I deserve to be here. I know that now."_

"_No, you-"_

"_Yes, I do. I made a deal to have my parents killed and didn't feel a twinge of regret and lived my life hurting others before they could hurt me like they had. I did nothing good for the world and I helped take away someone who was. I'm sorry, Dean. For once, I'm really and truly sorry."_

"_It's okay, Bela," Dean said. "I believe you."_

_Then suddenly, shockingly, he watched, as Bela was pulled apart by her bonds. He heard her scream as her limbs were ripped from her body and her torso fell away into nothingness, her screams following it. Dean took in ragged breaths at the horror of witnessing someone he knew being destroyed like that. It terrified him. Was that going to be his fate? Why hadn't it happened already?_

**oooo**

Dean sprang up from the bed; raggedly breathing, sweat coating his skin, his heart trying to beat out of his chest. He tried calming himself down and laid back down on the bed. He was grateful that Sam or Bobby hadn't heard anything. It gave him a chance to pull himself back together.

His thoughts strayed to Bela. He had hated her since the moment she had entered their lives, contemplated killing her at least a couple of times, especially when she had shot at Sam, but he had misjudged her, not that she had helped to have herself be understood, but still, there had always been a haunted quality about her that maybe he should have spotted. In the end, it hadn't mattered. She had sealed her fate like he had. In that way, they were the same. That he had seen her in Hell and that she would tell him how sorry she was for all she had done, it had changed his view of her. Her fate at the end still brought a chill. He knew that there would more in store for her for an eternity and that thought had saddened him. Maybe he would see her again in Hell or maybe as a demon back on Earth. Maybe he'd see her again in the war and would have to actually kill her. He had decided that, if he ever did see her again, he would take her out of her misery. He wouldn't exorcize her back to Hell as he had done others in the past. He wanted to give her peace in whatever way he could. She had suffered enough in her own way.

Though he still felt tired, it was a weariness that he knew would never fully leave him. He stood up and tested his newly healed body. He felt better and as normal as he could be for now. He needed to find out what had happened to him and why he was back. The nightmares were all recollections from his time in Hell and he wondered if maybe at some point, he would recall why he had been sent back. Until then, he had to help Sam and Bobby figure out what to do next, to create the best battle plan they could with the knowledge they did have.

He emerged from the bedroom and entered the living room where Bobby and Sam were talking. Bobby was the first to spot him and smiled.

"How you feeling?" He asked.

"Better. I just couldn't sleep anymore. I need to catch up on being gone for two years." Dean said. "Do you still have Ruby's knife?"

"Yeh, we do. We've been doing our best to take down as many demons as we can with it, but it's been slow. Lillith has been keeping herself under the radar since…" Sam said, still hurting every time he recalled Dean's death.

"Sam, I know it's going to be hard on you, but I need to know what happened after I died. I mean, my last thoughts of that night were that she was going to kill you like she had Henricksen," Dean said, his voice cracking slightly at the thought.

Sam hesitated telling Dean what had happened, fearing that Dean would think that he had gone darkside, but he knew he couldn't withhold the information from him. He needed to know everything.

"Sam?" Dean prodded. "You can tell me."

"She did try to flash fry me like she had Hendriksen, but for whatever reason, it didn't work. I tried to kill her, but she managed to leave Ruby's body before I could gank her with the knife."

Dean sensed Sam's feeling that he had failed by letting her get away. He was worried Dean would wonder about what had stopped him.

"You didn't fail, Sam. She's a tricky bitch. She'll be back. I'm just glad she didn't kill you," Dean said sensing Sam's apprehension.

Sam looked at Dean and realized how much he had missed his brother's confidence in him for the last two years.

"What about Ruby?" Dean asked.

"Gone. We burned her body, but far as we know, she hasn't come back in another one," Bobby added.

Dean nodded.

"Bobby, can I talk to Sam alone for a minute?"

Bobby grinned, nodded and left the room. Dean looked over at Sam.

"Sammy, sit down."

They both did in chairs facing opposite each other.

"I need you to know that I'm proud of you," Dean started.

"Dean…"

"I know it's been a rough two years –"

"It's been a lot worse for you, " Sam said.

"This isn't about me, this is about you. I know that you've been worried about what yellow eyes told you, about what Ruby told you, that you're this powerful and dangerous ticking time bomb," Dean paused. "I know you think that I have my doubts about you, that the real reason I didn't want you to have Ruby teach you how to tap your power was because I was afraid you'd become a monster."

Sam rubbed his hands together nervously and looked away, embarrassed.

"But Sam, I need you to believe me when I tell you that I have never doubted that you could handle yourself. You're the strongest willed person I know. It was never about trusting you. It was about trusting them. What I said then was the truth. I didn't want you to be a martyr like Dad and I were. I wanted you to live, to live as Sam Winchester, as Dad's son, as my little brother, not as some demon's ideal leader."

Dean stood up and walked over towards a window. He looked out, letting the sun's rays warm his face. He hadn't realized how much he had missed that feeling.

"When I came back and saw you, alive, I was…" Dean trailed off. "In Hell, all I could think about was how I had left you behind to face Lillith alone. I was just as afraid of the idea that you'd be dead or worse as I was of going to Hell."

Dean was feeling his emotions break and he had to take in a breath. He turned back to face Sam.

"It was worth everything, Sam. I know I won't be able to convince you of that, but it was. You're here. For two years, you've fought for not only yourself, but for humanity too and stayed true to who you are. That's how Dad taught us to fight and you lived it."

Dean spoke the words with a sincere broad smile, the first one he was able to muster since coming back.

"You have no idea how hard it was to go on without you," Sam said, his voice soft and sad.

"Believe me, I do. I'm not saying it was easy for you, but you did go on. That's all that matters."

"Dean?" Sam said sensing something in his brother that scared him.

"Yeh?"

"You're not leaving us again, are you?"

"Honestly, I don't know, Sam, but I do know I was brought back for a reason. I just don't know what that reason is yet. I can't make any promises because I don't know what's going to happen, but I wanted you to know that I will fight for you for as long as I'm here, however long that is."

"What about you?"

"Fighting for you is everything to me. When nothing else makes sense to me that does. What I **can** promise you is that I won't be a martyr again. No more deals. That stops with me."

Sam looked into Dean's eyes and felt the love that was still there for him. It warmed him.

"Are we good?" Dean asked.

"Yeh, yeh, we're good."

Dean nodded and smiled. A warmth filled his chest and he clung to it for as long as he could. It was a reminder of how much he still loved his little brother.

**oooo**

Bobby brought out the same invention he had used the last time to locate Lillith and placed it over another map.

"For the last 2 years, this thing hasn't moved a muscle so I can't guarantee we'll get anything now," Bobby said.

Dean watched and a sudden shiver went up his spine.

"We will," Dean said cryptically.

Bobby and Sam both looked over at Dean.

"I can't explain it, but she knows I'm back. She'll come out of the woodwork now," Dean said seriously.

The pendulum began to swing without Bobby having to utter the same incantation he had before and it startled them, except for Dean who knew it was going to move.

"Did you-" Bobby asked.

"No, something's telling us where she is," Dean said, an eerie calm in his voice. "I don't know who."

The point stopped and when Bobby looked, his face went dead pale. Dean looked down at the map and didn't flinch.

"What? What is it?" Sam asked, feeling like he was out of some kind of supernatural loop.

"She's in the next town," Bobby said and looked up at Dean. "Does she know we're coming?"

"Not yet, but the closer I get to her, she'll know," Dean said.

"You mean we, right? We're going after her together, right?" Sam insisted, his question more of a statement, fear running through his body that Dean would go off half-cocked and on his own just to protect them.

"Not yet. It's too risky."

"Risky? Dean, she's probably got a whole army surrounding her like last time and you're planning on going in alone. **THAT'S** risky," Sam argued.

Dean looked up at Sam, a cold look on his face.

"She knows it's between me and her now," he said.

"No, no, she knows she can't hurt me. She failed the last time so you need me there. I can protect you," Sam argued.

Dean smiled gravely at his scared baby brother.

"Sam, you don't know how you stopped her. Honestly, I don't know either, but knowing that she can't stop you makes me feel better about going it alone. She can't kill you, but, Sam, you can't kill her either. I know it. I don't know how I know it, but I do. You know it too."

"No, I just screwed up the last time. I wasn't fast enough. The knife will kill her."

"When she couldn't kill you, she left Ruby's body so she could regroup. She knew she was screwed. Now, she's back and she's different. That knife won't stop her. Not anymore than the goofer dust stopped her from crossing over the doorway the last time. I don't even think holy water will work on her."

"Are you saying she's more powerful?" Bobby asked.

"No, not more powerful…call it more fine tuned."

"What do you mean?" Sam asked.

"Like I said, she knows I'm back. I think she's been waiting for me. I think she knows it's me she has to get past to get to you, to win the war and to be the demon leader."

"What? How? Why?"

"I don't know."

"You don't know? You know she knows you're here and you know she's different somehow yet you **don't** know why she's back and gunning for you?" Sam said angrily.

"Sam –" Bobby said trying to keep Sam calm.

"It's okay, Bobby. I can't help it, Sammy. Whatever I'm back as, I'm getting this intell on a need-to-know basis, just enough information to know what to do for the moment, nothing more. I'll probably get more when I head her way."

"No, no, you're **NOT** doing this alone, damn it," Sam insisted again.

"Sam, you have to trust me on this. The only way to find out her plan is for me to face her down."

"Wasn't it you who said that if we can't go in smart, we shouldn't go in at all? Well, this sure feels like the absolute stupidest thing we could ever do," Sam said, hoping to throw Dean's words back at him.

"Probably, but the only way we're going to learn anything is to hear it from her direct and she's only going to give it up if I face her."

"Demons lie, Dean. What makes her any different?"

Sam and Bobby gave him a look of concern.

"Please, trust me on this, I have to go," Dean evaded as he began to turn to leave.

Sam grabbed Dean's arm and stopped him. His face was a whirlwind of struggling to stay calm and yet being just a whisper away from crying.

"Not without Bobby and me. We'll go with whatever your plan is when we get there, but we have to go with you. Dean, man, I can't just sit here not knowing what's happening to you there, not anymore than you could if it were me. Don't ask me to do that, please. If you're worried that if you can't stop her, she'll go after me, like you said, she can't hurt me. If you're trying to protect me from whatever might happen to you, I've been through the worst possible pain I could ever live through and though I barely made it, I did and truth here, I'd rather be there than think you died again alone this time. That would be worse, Dean. You don't have to protect me anymore."

Dean looked into his little brother's eyes and found his own filling with tears. He saw the pleading in Sam's eyes and understood. He knew he couldn't convince him not to go. Even if Sam had agreed to stay behind, he'd just follow Dean. Better to know where he was.

"Okay, Sammy. Guess you got me there. Let's go," Dean said, his voice filled with a hushed pride and determination.

Sam and Bobby smiled in unison as they began packing to face Lillith together. Dean took in a breath and closed his eyes. He felt her presence and it brought another shiver.

**oooo**

**TO BE CONTINUED**


	3. Chapter 3

Broken Wings

**Broken Wings**

**CHAPTER 3:**

Sam and Bobby packed up the Impala with all of the weaponry they had at their disposal in the hopes that something would work. Dean helped them, but knew that nothing in their arsenal could defeat Lillith. The only chance they had was Dean and he wasn't even sure what kind of weapon he had that could destroy her. Still, something in him kept telling him that he had what was needed and that all he would have to do was tap into it. He felt a sense of irony that two years ago he had told Sam that he shouldn't tap into his powers with Ruby's help and yet here he was knowing he had a power waiting to be utilized. The only difference was that Dean felt the power inside of him and he knew with a certainty that he shouldn't have that he would be able to control it. He knew that when the time was right, he'd know what to do.

Dean felt a stab of pain hit him square in the chest and it made him waver. Bobby noticed it and held him steady.

"What's wrong, Dean?"

"I feel her. It's like she's sending me a message."

"What kind of message?"

"That she'll strike at the very heart of me."

Bobby looked at him, concerned.

"What does that mean?'

"I can only guess that she'll try to get to Sam, but something in me tells me she won't. She's trying to scare me off."

"Can she read you like you're doing with her?"

"No, much as I hate to say it, it's like I'm attuned to her. I still have the demon-sight and I'll be able to spot her, but I won't have to. She's going to make a show of just revealing herself. It's a cat and mouse game with her. In a way, she's still a little girl."

Another punch of pain hit him and Dean groaned. He leaned against the trunk lid and Bobby braced him with a gentle and reassuring grip.

"Are you sure you want to do this tonight?"

"There isn't a choice, Bobby. She's going to kill every person in that town unless I show up. I can't let that happen."

Bobby looked at him and marveled at how easily Dean's decisions were made when it came to saving innocent people. He never gave it a second thought. He knew that a part of Dean must be tired of putting everyone else before himself and yet, he didn't hesitate. He knew what needed to be done and his conviction to get it done was unfailing.

"I'll be okay," Dean insisted as he straightened up.

Sam walked up to them and heard what Dean had said.

"What? Is there something wrong? Are you okay, Dean?"

"I'm good, Sam. Lillith is just letting me know she's waiting for me with her version of a punch to the chest. She hits like a girl so I'll be fine. Let's get going."

Sam gazed Bobby's way and all Bobby could give him was a worried expression. They climbed into the car and drove off, Sam at the wheel, as he had been for the last two years. That Dean would let Sam drive the car at all now that he was back, to not fight to take possession of his beloved Impala back, scared Sam. Dean had never surrendered driving the car unless he was physically unable. When he looked over at him, Dean had a faraway look on his face again, as if he was somewhere else.

"It's yours now, Sammy," Dean said suddenly.

"What?"

"The car. She's yours."

Sam took in a breath. He wasn't sure he'd ever get used to Dean's new empathic ability.

"Dean, no, I was just taking care of it."

"Yeh, for two years and you did a great job. She's purring like a well-oiled kitten," Dean said with a weak smile. "She's your car now."

Sam swallowed hard. He felt as if Dean was "willing" his car to him and it was something he had never wanted. He had always convinced himself that he was just the car's caretaker until they got Dean back.

"Only until we defeat Lillith," Sam insisted.

Dean just smiled and gazed back out his side window. The silent answer made Sam swallow hard again and he felt as if he couldn't get air into his lungs.

They drove slowly into the town. They watched all the townspeople exit their shops, apartments and homes then line up along the street and in front of them. Sam's heart began to race.

"Looks like we're getting ambushed," Sam commented at the only conclusion he could make as they were slowly being surrounded by the possessed townspeople, but just as he started to apply the brakes, the line of people in front of them, parted, split into two sides like an eerie human gate.

"What's going on?" Sam asked, more to himself than to Bobby and Dean.

Dean had an eerie smile on his face.

"She's been expecting us and is letting us pass through her guards. It's her welcoming committee."

"I don't like this one bit," Bobby said.

"Can't imagine why you would, but for now, we have to play by her rules," Dean said, his eyes darting around the area, carefully assessing everything in the town.

Sam had nothing to say, no argument to throw at Dean that would convince him that they were making a huge mistake. It wouldn't change anything. It wouldn't change Dean's mind about what he knew he had to do, even though none of them knew what that was. Sam just continued to drive through the town, blank, black-eyed stares watched their progress, but none made any overtures towards them. They were as obedient as toy soldiers lined up in neat rows, until they were given orders to move behind the car. As they passed by them, the human gate that had opened and "welcomed" them, turned into a mob, blocking any easy path out of there except to plow through the mass of possessed humanity, killing any that didn't get out of their way.

At the other end of the town, a house sat waiting. Though it was large and looked almost majestic, for the three of them, it might as well have been a haunted house for all the chill and dread it brought driving up to it.

It was beautifully appointed with columns and architectural detail that under other circumstances might have been appreciated by historians. A set of steps led up to an opulent front door made of solid carved wood with a stained glass header. Light from the inside of the house filtered through the glass, casting a spotlight onto the steps. Had it not been for what they were there for, facing what was probably the ultimate evil, short of the Devil himself, it might have been a great place for a party. Instead, it would likely be destroyed in a battle waged to save humanity.

Sam stopped the car. The front door of the house swung open ominously seemingly with no one behind it.

"Guess it's show time," Dean said, again, the sarcasm cold and empty.

He exited the car, as did Bobby and Sam. He walked up the steps, unarmed. Sam had Dean's shotgun filled with salt rounds in his hands and Bobby had Ruby's knife. They knew that both were likely to be useless against Lillith, but figured they could, at least, defend themselves for as long as they could from the townspeople if all went south quickly. To go down fighting if it came to that, just as Dean had said to Sam two years ago.

Dean walked into the foyer, marble floors covered the entrance and a crystal chandelier loomed large overhead, glittering in the light. Dean felt a sharp pain hit him and struggled to fight it off.

"She's coming," He announced to Sam and Bobby.

At the top of a grand stairway, a woman dressed in a white gown started walking down. The hem of her dress was cascading down the steps with her. Dean knew she was Lillith.

"Well, Dean, back again. How many times does that make this? Coming back from the dead, I mean."

"I've lost count," Dean said back. "Wouldn't happen to know why I'm back this time, would you?"

"You know very well why you're here."

"To take you down," Dean said matter of factly.

The woman giggled like a little girl and it made Sam cringe, remembering when she had possessed Ruby, talking like a little girl, but having nothing about her that was girlish, let alone innocent.

"If you can, but frankly, I think whoever hedged their bets with you, got some really bad gambling advice."

Dean could only watch as Lillith scaled down the stairs then joined them on the landing.

"You were puppy chow once, what makes you think you can defeat me now?"

"Call it a hunch," Dean said, his face betraying a grimace.

"You feel it, don't you?" Lillith taunted as she walked up to Dean and placed her hand on his chest.

Dean looked at her, stolid and determined to give her nothing. She then fisted her hand and Dean couldn't help, but clench, still, he kept his eyes fixed to hers, barely wavering.

"Your heart. It's been the core of who you are, your strength lies there, but so does your weakness. Haven't you figured that out yet? For every near death or real death you have gone through, it has been at that core."

Dean didn't answer. Lillith then turned to face Sam.

"And we all know who's your weakness, now, don't we? Your kryptonite."

She starts walking Sam's way.

"Leave him alone," Dean said, his voice icy with the threat. "This is between you and me."

"Oh, I beg to differ. There are prizes to be won in this game. I always get what I want when there are prizes," Lillith taunted.

"You can't have him. He beat you the last time."

"Yes, true. I underestimated him, but I don't need to lift a finger to win my prize," Lillith giggled as she turned on her heel and faced Dean again. "All I need to do is take away, yet again, and for good this time, **his** weakness, the one thing he values over everything."

Lillith went back to Dean and lifted her hand. She placed it on Dean's left shoulder and pushed him down to his knees, seemingly without effort.

"You," she finished and giggled again.

Sam started to move towards them.

"No! Sam, don't. It's okay. I'm okay," Dean insisted through his pain. "Trust me."

Sam froze in place, remembering his promise that once in the town, they would do things Dean's way, but struggling to keep that promise.

Once Dean knew that Sam was listening to him, he turned his attentions back to Lillith.

"Sam won't be your prize, Lillith. I won't let it happen. Sam won't let it happen."

"Don't be so sure. Remember what Meg said, the right flame and Sam will become a human blow torch, scorching the land with his fury and he won't have you to cry to anymore."

Dean then started laughing and he didn't know why. It was a frightening laugh, filled with a touch of madness and though Sam couldn't explain it, he felt there was also a sense of relief in it, as if it had been pent up all this time and finally given release.

"What are you laughing at?" Lillith whined, just as puzzled by the reaction as everyone else was. "This isn't funny. Why are you finding all this funny? I could wipe all of you, this whole town into oblivion. Are you trying to test me?"

"Oh, no, don't want to do that, do we?" Dean said, still laughing in between his words. "Otherwise, the big bad little girl is going to send us all to a fiery pit. Let's tremble at her feet."

Sam and Bobby looked at each other quizzically wondering if Dean had finally gone mad, but Sam somehow knew that this was all part of Dean's plan. Still, the logic behind it was lost on him as much as it was lost on Bobby.

"What is wrong with you?" Lillith asked angrily, finding Dean's laughter completely baffling and infuriating.

"Nothing, nothing at all, or maybe I've just gone stark raving cuckoo. Who knows? What I do know is that you are one hell of a spoiled little brat who has to have her way or kill to get it. I don't know who spawned you, but they didn't punish you enough. Now it's up to me to super nanny you back to reality."

Dean then stood up, lifting Lillith's arm effortlessly up with him, her power over him gone. Sam and Bobby watched Dean overcome Lillith's power in awe. Dean's face contorted into a frightening self-satisfied expression. Sam was worried, but again, for reasons he didn't know, he felt that despite what he was seeing, Dean was still Dean, that he had complete control over everything that was happening to him.

"Stay away!" Lillith cried in her little girl way.

"Awww…I'm hurt. Don't you want to play with me anymore?" Dean taunted.

Dean felt a surge of power fill him. It was both dizzying and frightening. Along with it came the return of a feeling he thought he had lost when he had come back. Something inside of him was changing again, but the evolution was more than just about his newfound powers. It was also about something more elemental, basic, and completely unrelated to them. From the moment he had returned, he had felt empty, like a puzzle with a missing piece, not all together whole, but still him. He had felt the loss and had accepted it like someone would have accepted the loss of a limb, even feeling his own kind of phantom pain coming from that loss. But now, along with the surge of power, he felt another surge, just as strong, but he wasn't afraid of it. It was reassuring, comforting, and familiar. As ethereal as it was, he felt his old self returning to him, but without the painful baggage he had carried back with it. The feelings that he had retained upon coming back, the memories, the training, the love for Sam merged again with the love of living he had possessed before, the joy of being with family, both blood related and those bonded by shared experience. He smiled and turned back to Lillith.

"What are you smiling at?" Lillith yelled petulantly.

"I got my groove back, bitch and you're going to Hell," Dean said, the smile never leaving him.

Sam and Bobby heard his threat to Lillith and couldn't help, but smile too. They didn't know how or why, but the old Dean was back. He was whole again.

Dean took a hold of the hand she had placed on his shoulder and gripped the wrist tightly.

"Ow, you're hurting me!" Lillith cried out.

Her eyes changed into the complete white scleras that differentiated her from her black-eyed disciples. Dean saw the change, but seemed completely unconcerned.

"Batting those pearly whites in your eyes doesn't scare me," Dean taunted again. "What is it they say? Don't shoot until you see the whites of their eyes?"

His own eyes then shaded into a platinum silver that took on a metallic sheen, giving his eyes a mischievous, yet unnerving sparkle. Sam and Bobby could only watch helplessly as they were shocked by what they were seeing. Dean then began reciting the Latin that was such an integral part of a hunter's arsenal. Lillith squirmed, trying to escape Dean's grip, but to no avail. Further into the recitation, she began to scream then twitched and morphed just as other demons before her had when faced with their descent into Hell, but instead of allowing her black mist essence to disintegrate as others had, Dean shockingly kissed her, sealing her mouth with his. There was nothing romantic or erotic about the action. Dean was capturing Lillith's essence and sealing it into his body.

Sam watched in horror.

"NO!!" He screamed. "DON'T!!"

He tried to leap in, but a force field bounced him back and he fell back to the ground. Sam tried to rise again, but Bobby stopped him.

"Let me go, Bobby! I have to stop him! I have to get through to him and stop him!" Sam vehemently insisted.

"You can't, Sam. There's a field around them and Dean's in a fugue state," Bobby explained.

"What? What are you talking about?" Sam yelled.

"He's lost to us, at least for now. He's capturing Lillith's essence and bottling it into his body."

"I can see that and I have to stop him! He'll become possessed or even worse. It could kill him. She could kill him inside."

Bobby looked at Sam gravely and wordlessly, no argument to give him. Sam's eyes went wide with the realization and he broke free from him.

"DEAN!! NO!! DON'T DO THIS!! NOT AGAIN!!" Sam screamed at the top of his lungs, his body shaking from impending tears. "PLEASE STOP!!"

Sam then collapsed to the floor, tears freely flowing down his cheeks.

"Please stop…" He said, his voice barely audible, no longer trying to be heard.

Dean released the kiss and let Lillith's host fall unconscious to the floor. He looked over at Sam, seeing his shattered little brother and closed his eyes.

"Trust me…" Dean transported through his thoughts.

Sam, at first, wasn't sure what he had heard and gazed up. He saw Dean open his eyes, smile at him and heard it again.

"Sam, trust me…" Dean said again without moving his lips, performing a terrifying ventriloquist act for Sam.

He then watched as Dean gave him one more look before he opened his mouth and expelled Lillith's essence back out, but instead of disappearing into the ethers like dust in the wind, her fate seemingly condemned to be Hell bound, her black mist began to crumble into something none of them had ever seen before. It scattered to the floor like a fine powder. It attempted to merge as if trying to solidify into something only to crumble again. It then flashed blood red, oozed to the floor again and flowed like blood only more viscous. It then vanished, leaving the floor unstained.

Dean watched as her essence disintegrated then fell to the floor unconscious as well. Sam ran over immediately, no force field to stop him this time and took him into his arms.

"Dean? Dean?" Sam called.

Dean then awoke taking in a large gulp of air as if resuscitated from drowning. Sam could only smile with relief and hugged him. He then felt Dean struggling.

"Sam? Sam? I can't breathe here," Dean's muffled voice said.

Sam released him and stared at him. Dean looked ashen and tired, no doubt a result from going toe-to-toe with Lillith and enduring capturing her essence inside of him, but there was something else…something off about Dean's expression. He had a look of complete confusion. He scanned his surroundings and nothing resonated as familiar. Sam became worried as Bobby joined them.

"Dean? Are you okay?" Sam finally asked.

"Well, yeh, other than you trying to suffocate me, I'm fine, but…" Dean trailed off, his forehead still crinkled and his body still in pain as he trembled and moaned. "Where are we?"

"Don't you remember?" Sam asked.

"Remember what?"

"What's the last thing you **do** remember, Dean?" Bobby asked.

Dean paused for a minute.

"You and me heading to Cold Oak to get Sam."

**oooo**

Dean's words shocked both of them into silence. Dean noticed and became worried.

"What? What is it?"

"Dean, let's get out of here first and Sam and I will explain everything when we get back to my place," Bobby said quickly, queuing Sam to play along with him for now.

They lifted Dean up to his feet only to have him lose consciousness immediately. They were grateful that they would have time to strategize about the next step. As they placed Dean carefully into the Impala, Sam looked around and had noticed that all the townspeople had collapsed, the demons in them expelled when Lillith was destroyed. Some were slowly awakening so they hurried to get back to Bobby's.

Once there, they put Dean back into the same room, an eerie déjà vu hit them both. Once they knew that Dean would be out for a while, they went into the living room, Sam pacing.

"Will you please sit down? You're making me seasick," Bobby teased.

"How can I when Dean…" Sam said.

"I know, but we have to figure out what to do next. We can't just ignore that he's lost two years that he can't remember."

"Yeh, I know," Sam said as he finally sat down in a nearby chair. "What are we going to tell him?"

"Well, it seems to me that it's obvious."

"Really? Well, please clue me in," Sam said sarcastically.

"Whoever or whatever brought him back, erased his memory of the last two years so that he wouldn't remember you dying, his making the deal and most important his time in Hell. In my book, it's a blessing."

Sam looked at Bobby and allowed himself a smile, "Yeh, I guess you're right, but how are we going to explain how he lost two years?"

"That's what you and have to suss out now before he wakes up. As far as I'm concerned, I'm willing to spare him any details of you dying and him making the deal and going to Hell. The rest we can be honest about. We can tell him that after he got conked on the head at the Devil's Gate, he got amnesia and has had it for the past two years. We can say that when we took on this current job, he got hurt and his memories came back. The details of the last two years, we'll deal with."

Sam smiled at Bobby's plan and was grateful for his clear headed thinking. He had become like a father to them both. Sam knew that he couldn't have made it without him for the last two years.

"Okay, Bobby," Sam said with a smile then felt the emotions coming back. "I wish I knew who did this."

Bobby looked back at Sam and smiled.

"Truth be told, Sam. I really don't care or want to know. Dean's here, back with us, the same Dean he was before everything happened and though I'm not a religious or betting man, I'm willing to take what's happened on faith. That it was meant to be. I've seen my share of strange and awful and as far as that goes, this is one of the best things that has ever happened in my lifetime as a hunter. I'll take it, no questions asked."

Sam nodded, "Me too."

**oooo**

**FIN. Hope you liked the ending. I felt Dean deserved a clean slate, knowing he probably won't get one in Season 4. Thanks for your reviews and for reading.**


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